6 Weeks and Praying

So, I am now 6 weeks. Here is the time when the future is uncertain. Lost my other babies between the 6th and 8 weeks. So you can see my nervousness. I soooooo want this baby to be okay but at the same time I fear the worst. I hope for the best. My next appointment is April 6th. I will be 8 weeks then. If I have no bleeding then we should be able to see a heartbeat. That would be AWESOME. My Mom asked me, when I went to visit for the weekend, if I wanted a girl or boy. I told her...... it did not matter. I could see Noah as a big brother to a little sister, but I could also see him wrestling with a little brother too. My Mom, bless her heart. She said..... Noah needs to be a big brother! Reactions of my other kids? Well..... Kayla (the oldest) said she would sell it on eBay! )I know she would love it!), Ashley (my second) was very excited and offered up a name for a boy or girl. She came at me with Romeo or Juliette. What's with that? I admit.... I like Juliette but NOT Romeo. Anyway, the others? Did not tell them. Not until we know that all is safe. Then we will let the cat out of the bag so to speak. Well, gonna go and do some well ventilated painting and then off to Ben and Jerry's for some free ice cream! Here i come Chocolate Therapy!!!!

New Beginnings!

So..... since my last entry this is what I have learned..... not to bring in the trash that I have already taken out! Need an explanation? Ok. Here it is. When you give your fears and your concerns and your sins to God you don't take them back. I gave Him this pregnancy, this baby, and all my fears surrounding them. But I keep trying to bring them back inside me. THIS IS NOT WHAT HE WANTS US TO DO!!!! Now every time I begin to worry about the fate of my baby I tell myself. "God has this one handled. I am powerless but He is powerful!" Since then I have had peace about this pregnancy. By no means do I want to lose this child but I do have to accept His will. I can't wait to see what He has in store for this child!

Thought I was done

Well.... thought I was done with this site. Yesterday I took out my last pregnancy test and took it. Little did I realize that it was going to be positive!!!!! I so want to be excited and happy but it is so hard when you are scared about loosing the baby. Went to the doctors and had an ultrasound done. Only 4 weeks along.... have 8 weeks to be out of the woods! Can't stand this.... all the worry! I want the baby to be ok and be healthy! I don't now how I am going to get through this next two months... if there are two months. Well.... will update soon! Take care!

Last Post

Well..... have come to the conclusion that this is not meant to be. Hard as it is..... I hope anyone who reads my blog will at least find some comfort an know that God has a plan for them. And if a child was meant to be in that plan He will provide. And remember..... there are LOTS of children out there who NEED someone that will love them unconditionally. And to those we lost..... we will hold them forever in our hearts! Be well, God Bless and Babydust!!!

Still Trying

Here we are another month has come and gone and still not pregnant. I had my shot so I waited another month just in case. Now I am in my ovulation period but don't have hope this month. Next month hubby and I are going on a trip by ourselves to stay at Disney Port Orlean's French Quarter Resort for 4 days. Gonna spend the time together going to the parks and having fun. My Mom is coming up to stay with the kids. Bless her! She does not know how much I appreciate it! Anyway, will be ovulating about the same time so maybe then. If it doesn't happen soon I think I am going to get off this train ride. I want another baby but can't take the ups and downs of trying to conceive. Back to school work and preparing the computer for shipment and repair. Will update soon!

Here We Go!

Well.... had AF and now time has come to start trying again. I will get my shot before I am due for ovulation so that is good timing. I can't wait. I am realistic that it may not happen right out of the gate. I am getting older.... 35 on the 3rd of October .... and it does get a little harder as you get older. But wouldn't it be cool to conceive on my birthday? Well, right now I am playing games on FB and trying to cool off. Been a crazy morning out with my boy! He is so handsome and soooo much fun to be around. He's almost 2 and such a joy. He has one of those smiles that when he does something wrong.... you just CAN'T be mad at him. Tonight studying and tomorrow family pictures at the beach! I can't wait they are going to be so cool! Well, gotta go but I will update more later on! God Bless and baby dust!

Plans On Hold and Joyful Celebration

Well, our plans have been put on hold. I was accepted to UFC this fall. Along with that came the requirement (which I was unaware of) of my immunization records. Ok. I am 34 years old. Where do they think I am going to get my immunization records from. Tried the Health Department (where I got a few of them) and nada. Tried the High School I graduated from; they did not start adding immunizations to their transcripts until AFTER I graduated. So.... no one had them. So I ended up taking a titer to see if I was immune. And wouldn't you know it.... I am immune to one but not the other. Which they say is common to lose immunity after a while. So I have to get a series of 2 shots. During which I can't get pregnant. At least I can't get it WHILE pregnant. Got the first shot on the 4th. Have to get the next one the beginning of next month and then we can be good to go. Meanwhile I spent to tiring but wonderful days at the hospital with my sister. She allowed me the privilege of being with her during the birth of her son. It was, to say the least, AMAZING!!!!!! I had a mixture of sadness that I would not be experiencing that joy anytime soon and the joy I felt seeing little Gavin born. One of my sisters asked me if it was gross. I told her "well yeah (because of the blood) but it was more beautiful than gross!" During the birth I started crying when I saw the top of his little head. The Dr. stopped what he was doing and asked, "Are you crying?" "Yes" I said as tears streamed down my face. The nurse told him they were happy tears. All I could do was nod and cry with 'joyful' tears. It was so awesome and I am forever grateful to my sister for letting me be there for her and her family. Good night sister and bless you little Gavin!