Still Trying

Here we are another month has come and gone and still not pregnant. I had my shot so I waited another month just in case. Now I am in my ovulation period but don't have hope this month. Next month hubby and I are going on a trip by ourselves to stay at Disney Port Orlean's French Quarter Resort for 4 days. Gonna spend the time together going to the parks and having fun. My Mom is coming up to stay with the kids. Bless her! She does not know how much I appreciate it! Anyway, will be ovulating about the same time so maybe then. If it doesn't happen soon I think I am going to get off this train ride. I want another baby but can't take the ups and downs of trying to conceive. Back to school work and preparing the computer for shipment and repair. Will update soon!

Here We Go!

Well.... had AF and now time has come to start trying again. I will get my shot before I am due for ovulation so that is good timing. I can't wait. I am realistic that it may not happen right out of the gate. I am getting older.... 35 on the 3rd of October .... and it does get a little harder as you get older. But wouldn't it be cool to conceive on my birthday? Well, right now I am playing games on FB and trying to cool off. Been a crazy morning out with my boy! He is so handsome and soooo much fun to be around. He's almost 2 and such a joy. He has one of those smiles that when he does something wrong.... you just CAN'T be mad at him. Tonight studying and tomorrow family pictures at the beach! I can't wait they are going to be so cool! Well, gotta go but I will update more later on! God Bless and baby dust!

Plans On Hold and Joyful Celebration

Well, our plans have been put on hold. I was accepted to UFC this fall. Along with that came the requirement (which I was unaware of) of my immunization records. Ok. I am 34 years old. Where do they think I am going to get my immunization records from. Tried the Health Department (where I got a few of them) and nada. Tried the High School I graduated from; they did not start adding immunizations to their transcripts until AFTER I graduated. So.... no one had them. So I ended up taking a titer to see if I was immune. And wouldn't you know it.... I am immune to one but not the other. Which they say is common to lose immunity after a while. So I have to get a series of 2 shots. During which I can't get pregnant. At least I can't get it WHILE pregnant. Got the first shot on the 4th. Have to get the next one the beginning of next month and then we can be good to go. Meanwhile I spent to tiring but wonderful days at the hospital with my sister. She allowed me the privilege of being with her during the birth of her son. It was, to say the least, AMAZING!!!!!! I had a mixture of sadness that I would not be experiencing that joy anytime soon and the joy I felt seeing little Gavin born. One of my sisters asked me if it was gross. I told her "well yeah (because of the blood) but it was more beautiful than gross!" During the birth I started crying when I saw the top of his little head. The Dr. stopped what he was doing and asked, "Are you crying?" "Yes" I said as tears streamed down my face. The nurse told him they were happy tears. All I could do was nod and cry with 'joyful' tears. It was so awesome and I am forever grateful to my sister for letting me be there for her and her family. Good night sister and bless you little Gavin!

Here and Gone

Well. AF finally came....and went. Ended on Thursday. So much has been happening in my life since my last post. We just signed a year lease and decided to move to an apartment. Right now we are in a 5 bedroom home with a HUGE fenced in backyard. We pay $1025 mo. for it. Why would I want to move? Well....can you say depressed ALOT? Yeah. I have 5 children. 3 of which are capable of doing more than they have been. Tired of trying to keep this huge house clean. So.... we put in an application to an apartment. 4 bedroom, 3 bath. It is beautiful. By moving in we would save close to $400 a month. We would have a pool too! Really need this. Also have been trying to get things settled with the kids for school and myself also. I had to laugh. I applied to UCF (Univ. of Central Fl.) and got accepted. Now they want my immunization records. Now.... I am 34. Where in the sam heck am I going to find those records? Couldn't. So now I have to get a titer done to see if I am immune (MMR). If not I have to get the shots. So off to Orlando (1 1/2 hr. drive). Also preparing my daughter, and myself, for the next step in her life. Drivers permit. Can't believe we are there already. So I have been asking myself.... "Do I want to try to have another baby?" The answer is we will have fun trying and if it happens, it happens. For now I will just have fun *wink* and see what happens! Babydust!

And Waiting Some More!

I know I haven't written in a while. Been busy preparing to move then deciding to put it off for a little while. Still waiting for AF. Maybe she hasn't come because of the stress I have been under. Not sure. Went to my niece's birthday yesterday. When I saw my sister, who is due in September, it hit me once again what I lost. It was a very emotional day. I love her very much and I am so happy that she is having a baby but it just still hurts so much! Anyway, still taking prenatals and watching caffeine intake. Will write more when I have something else going on. Baby dust!

And Waiting.....

Well still waiting for AF. We are now into the 39th day. Wonder if this is normal. I had the m/c on the 1st of June so I should have had it by now. Did have some spotting, not enough to need a pad or anything. Thought it was AF but it stopped. That was 3 days ago. Well, nothing to but wait. I have decided that we are going to move into an apartment at the end of May (which is when our lease is up). I found a 4 bedroom/3 bath for $845 a month. Advantages are we save $130 in rent, $250 in electric, no lawn care, less house to clean (have a huge house and huge yard wich is hard to keep up with with no help), pool (HUGE plus), and 24hr. weight room. So 3 out of 5 children want to move to an apartment. One is too small to care and the oldest refuses because she will have to share a room and possibly move to a new school. She will have to if we all move huh? I just cant keep this house clean by myself and I want to have time to do things with the kids. We are forever cleaning and never get to do anything. So moving is my solution. Down side is they will have to be quieter. Yeah. Tell that to someone with German genes. My family is naturally loud. But if we have a clean apartment we wouldnt be home all that much anyway. Looking better and better everyday!!!

Still Waiting....

for AF to come. I passed my usual 22 days so I figure maybe I am back up to every 4 weeks like before. So we will see. Since I last wrote my daughter turned 13. We sent a wonderful day alone at Disney together. Got soaked at the end of the day. Imagine hundreds of people packed on Main Street with thunder, lighting and TONS of rain. Everyone was screaming and running. It was nuts but it was a blast! Will update more in a couple of days! Hope everyone is having a great summer!!!

Summer Day Fun

So, here we are! Summer time! The kids are out back playing on the slip 'n' slid and Noah is asleep on the couch! Yesterday he went out and played too. Of course he wanted to be naked so I let him run around outside, in the water, naked as a jaybird! He was so happy! No worries. We have a fenced in back yard so no one could see. He ran around laughing and playing in the water. So, getting ready for work tonight. I work at our church babysitting on Tuesday nights. Getting ready for AF this month! I can't wait! It means we can try again. I am scared and hopeful and prayerful all at the same time. I want this one to be healthy but at the same time I am scared it won't be. Someone asked me if I can handle another heartbreak. I want to say I can but I am afraid I can't. I have to keep my faith in God. He will only give me as much as I can handle so I have to believe that if I do have another m/c I will be able to get through it. I am still very excited. We have already been playing with some names. So we will see. I hope all are having a great summer and I will update more soon! God Bless and Babydust!

Got The Go Ahead

Well. Had my follow up this morning with Dr. B. I will call him that because I dont know if he would want his name out there. I have to say. He is the most AWESOME Dr. I have EVER had. He has the most wonderful bedside manner. He was sad I had lost the baby, he knew it was coming though when I had come in bleeding the first time. Remember he sent me for the ultrasound anyway? He always did things like that to ease my mind when I was pregnant with my son... who he delivered by the way. So, I go in and the first thing he said was "I am so sorry. are you ok?" I never had a Dr. that did that. After the ultrasound the other day I went to see Dr. S in the P.B. office and not once did he say he was sorry or asked if I was okay. So, Dr. B. says the usual.. "there must have been something wrong chromosomally but there is no reason that we shouldnt try again and right away." He said there were some that tell you to wait but he said to go for it. After a m/c the tissue is cleared and ready for the next cycle. After my next cycle he recommended sex every other day. He suggested to continue the prenatal vitamins. This is also because of the extra folic acid (400 mg) they provide to help prevent NTD's (Neural Tube Defects). So off to the store I go for another bottle, almost out. If you are reading this Dr. B thanks so much! Hope to see you soon!

I Wanted My Mommy

Not sure where to start this. Because of the stress I was under, and the fact that my two oldest daughters were non stop fighting, I took my two younger children to see their Memaw. Truth was.... I wanted my Mommy. We decided to stay the night. The next morning (Saturday) we went over to my sisters to go swimming. Bless her beautiful heart she is pregnant. I am soooo happy for her and can't wait to see my nephew but it was so difficult. Even though I was only prego for a short time I wanted that baby. I miss my baby. Anyway, of course I only thought of all that I would miss because my baby is now in Heaven. Don't get me wrong, as I said I am so happy for her but seeing pregnant women is difficult. All of you who have had m/c now this. We can't help but think of our babies. I am going to post some information later on some herbal supplements to enhance fertility. Take care and Babydust!

Discouragement and Revitalization

If you have ever had a m/c you know the pain and emptiness that is felt during and in the aftermath of the loss. You srcream a "why?" filled with pain and anguish. While others around you offer the usual reason and what you should be grateful for, you just want to hear "I'm sorry. Let me know if there is anything I can do." or "I will pray for you". Those are the most comforting words anyone can say. Prayers are what is needed. Prayer for healing of the mind and spirit. It is easy, so easy, to blame God for letting this happen to your baby. It came to my mind. I was angry at him and hurt. Why did it happen again. My mind knows that there might have been something wrong with the baby but my heart said He should have fixed it. He is all powerful after all right? I won't pretend to know the mind of God but I do know that He has a plan for me and my babies. I will see them again in Heaven one day. It will be hard. I am still reeling with hormones and my kids aren't helping any. I am going to visit my Mom Friday and taking my youngest three with me. I need to see my Mommy and feel her arms around me and just rejuvinate. There is nothing like a Mother's love (or whoever you are closest with) and God's love. If you let Him He will wrap His arms around you and fill you with a love so great it will bring tears to your eye. He knows your pain and He will see you through it. God's love and babydust!

Introduction

Hi! My name is Jean and I am a new blogger. Hopefully this will be an encouraging blog for both mind and spirit. I will write more later but to begin with......
I am 34 years old. I have been married 16 years come August. I have 5 children. Four girls and 1 boy (youngest). Ages 15, 13, 11, 5 and 19 months. Before my son was born I lost 2 babies and just recently I lost another pregnancy at the beginning of the week. We will be waiting for a few months and trying again. Why? you say when I have 5 health children already? Well, the reason is simple and my own. Healing. While another baby will not replace the one I have lost it will help me heal. So here I go on the journey of healing and conception. I would love for you to join me!