Still Waiting....

for AF to come. I passed my usual 22 days so I figure maybe I am back up to every 4 weeks like before. So we will see. Since I last wrote my daughter turned 13. We sent a wonderful day alone at Disney together. Got soaked at the end of the day. Imagine hundreds of people packed on Main Street with thunder, lighting and TONS of rain. Everyone was screaming and running. It was nuts but it was a blast! Will update more in a couple of days! Hope everyone is having a great summer!!!

Summer Day Fun

So, here we are! Summer time! The kids are out back playing on the slip 'n' slid and Noah is asleep on the couch! Yesterday he went out and played too. Of course he wanted to be naked so I let him run around outside, in the water, naked as a jaybird! He was so happy! No worries. We have a fenced in back yard so no one could see. He ran around laughing and playing in the water. So, getting ready for work tonight. I work at our church babysitting on Tuesday nights. Getting ready for AF this month! I can't wait! It means we can try again. I am scared and hopeful and prayerful all at the same time. I want this one to be healthy but at the same time I am scared it won't be. Someone asked me if I can handle another heartbreak. I want to say I can but I am afraid I can't. I have to keep my faith in God. He will only give me as much as I can handle so I have to believe that if I do have another m/c I will be able to get through it. I am still very excited. We have already been playing with some names. So we will see. I hope all are having a great summer and I will update more soon! God Bless and Babydust!

Got The Go Ahead

Well. Had my follow up this morning with Dr. B. I will call him that because I dont know if he would want his name out there. I have to say. He is the most AWESOME Dr. I have EVER had. He has the most wonderful bedside manner. He was sad I had lost the baby, he knew it was coming though when I had come in bleeding the first time. Remember he sent me for the ultrasound anyway? He always did things like that to ease my mind when I was pregnant with my son... who he delivered by the way. So, I go in and the first thing he said was "I am so sorry. are you ok?" I never had a Dr. that did that. After the ultrasound the other day I went to see Dr. S in the P.B. office and not once did he say he was sorry or asked if I was okay. So, Dr. B. says the usual.. "there must have been something wrong chromosomally but there is no reason that we shouldnt try again and right away." He said there were some that tell you to wait but he said to go for it. After a m/c the tissue is cleared and ready for the next cycle. After my next cycle he recommended sex every other day. He suggested to continue the prenatal vitamins. This is also because of the extra folic acid (400 mg) they provide to help prevent NTD's (Neural Tube Defects). So off to the store I go for another bottle, almost out. If you are reading this Dr. B thanks so much! Hope to see you soon!

I Wanted My Mommy

Not sure where to start this. Because of the stress I was under, and the fact that my two oldest daughters were non stop fighting, I took my two younger children to see their Memaw. Truth was.... I wanted my Mommy. We decided to stay the night. The next morning (Saturday) we went over to my sisters to go swimming. Bless her beautiful heart she is pregnant. I am soooo happy for her and can't wait to see my nephew but it was so difficult. Even though I was only prego for a short time I wanted that baby. I miss my baby. Anyway, of course I only thought of all that I would miss because my baby is now in Heaven. Don't get me wrong, as I said I am so happy for her but seeing pregnant women is difficult. All of you who have had m/c now this. We can't help but think of our babies. I am going to post some information later on some herbal supplements to enhance fertility. Take care and Babydust!

Discouragement and Revitalization

If you have ever had a m/c you know the pain and emptiness that is felt during and in the aftermath of the loss. You srcream a "why?" filled with pain and anguish. While others around you offer the usual reason and what you should be grateful for, you just want to hear "I'm sorry. Let me know if there is anything I can do." or "I will pray for you". Those are the most comforting words anyone can say. Prayers are what is needed. Prayer for healing of the mind and spirit. It is easy, so easy, to blame God for letting this happen to your baby. It came to my mind. I was angry at him and hurt. Why did it happen again. My mind knows that there might have been something wrong with the baby but my heart said He should have fixed it. He is all powerful after all right? I won't pretend to know the mind of God but I do know that He has a plan for me and my babies. I will see them again in Heaven one day. It will be hard. I am still reeling with hormones and my kids aren't helping any. I am going to visit my Mom Friday and taking my youngest three with me. I need to see my Mommy and feel her arms around me and just rejuvinate. There is nothing like a Mother's love (or whoever you are closest with) and God's love. If you let Him He will wrap His arms around you and fill you with a love so great it will bring tears to your eye. He knows your pain and He will see you through it. God's love and babydust!

Introduction

Hi! My name is Jean and I am a new blogger. Hopefully this will be an encouraging blog for both mind and spirit. I will write more later but to begin with......
I am 34 years old. I have been married 16 years come August. I have 5 children. Four girls and 1 boy (youngest). Ages 15, 13, 11, 5 and 19 months. Before my son was born I lost 2 babies and just recently I lost another pregnancy at the beginning of the week. We will be waiting for a few months and trying again. Why? you say when I have 5 health children already? Well, the reason is simple and my own. Healing. While another baby will not replace the one I have lost it will help me heal. So here I go on the journey of healing and conception. I would love for you to join me!